Yesterday was a very long day but it was filled with many blessings even though I feel as I have already lost ½ of my mind. My main focus has been to be there with the boys as much as possible. My sister drove me down to the hospital (sine I can’t drive for another week) around 10:30am. We spent the whole day there at Jason & Reece’s crib side. When I arrived both boys had on a little white long sleeved shirts that nearly swallowed them both and their too big for them preemie diaper that we have to roll up in order for it to fit them. Reece had just gotten back from his spinal ultrasound to check the dimple located at the top of his butt crack and his spine. By the end of the day the results had come back normal and when I talked to the doctor he said he had no concerns of their being anything seriously wrong with either baby and it appears to be the case of one big baby and a little one. Jason now weighs 4lbs 12oz and Reece 2lbs 12oz. The doctor said given their prematurity this is exactly where he would expect their progress to be. Other notes on yesterday’s orders included; increasing the volume on both babies feedings to 36cc’s for Jason and 20cc’s for Reece. They are still both being ordered two bottles a day and the rest by tube. As of yesterday it took Jason 23 minutes to bottle feed and Reece 16. The nurse said that typically if they sow they can handle the volume and feed under 20 minutes they will increase the number of bottles by one for the next days orders so will shall see. Jason sits there and plays with it fir the most part… I have tried feeding the last two days and yesterday it ended in slight frustration because the nurse let me attempt all of 2 minutes before just doing it herself. Oh well…They were also both ordered to have their IV’s removed so now the only thing they will have hooked up to them are the little sticker monitors for breathing, heart and blood pressure and of course the feeding tube until they are doing all 8 feeds by bottle. Jason was also removed off his oxygen so now the focus is to bottle feed and for Reece to gain weight. The doctor said that in a weeks time Jason might be able to go home because he already meets his weight requirement and usually one babies figure out how to bottle feed they catch on quickly and perform well for all feedings.
I am still attempting to pump every 2 ½ to 3 hours. Sometimes I get an entire 2 oz bottle and other times a hardly get enough to cover the surface of the bottle. Either way right now my supply is unable to keep up with the babies feedings. The nurse yesterday suggested we try Finugreek which is an herbal supplement that is suppose to increase your milk supply so that is on todays agenda. I thought I was doing decent until the nurses told me it wasn’t enough…again another breaking point for me and when I pumped at 6 I lost it. While pumping the stress of the babies, lack of sleep, and the failed attempts of accommodating and keeping everyone happy got to me. I was already at my wits end and when the bottle of milk that I just pumped splash all over the floor I just stared baling because it’s bad enough I can’t produce much less spill what little bit I did get. I assume I was pretty loud in the pumping room because Ryan called me because he could hear me from outside. Ugh…what a day…I just have to remember to hold it together and to let all the small things that drive Ryan and I crazy roll of our backs because right now my priority is to keep my boys happy and healthy as well as myself. Maybe that’s a little selfish but I feel like I am doing the best I can and it’s still not to par.
After my awful pumping episode I came out to meet Ryan who drove down after work. A few minutes of comforting by him and I was fine again. We heated up frozen dinners and individual packets of peas and that was dinner for us in the lobby. We waited till 8 and then together went back in to see the boys. Luckily when we got there both boys were wide awake and the nurse was going to feed them by tube so Ryan took Jas and I took Reece. After an hour of holding I was ready to pump again at 9 and this time tried doing at the crib side. Since Jason was held longer yesterday day and got attention from both Ryan and I we put him back in his little cubby and Ryan took Reece while I sat in a chair next to the two of them and that turned out to be the pump of the day with a little over 1 oz which sounds like nothing but when you haven’t received much all day 1 oz. of “liquid gold” as Ryan calls it is wonderful. While I was holding reece he was really fussy and irritable. Towards the end he seemed to be a little bit more comfortable which was nice because I was again starting to feel like what am I doing wrong this time? When he as with his Daddy he was sound asleep the entire time…I think maybe Ryan should stay at home with them and I should start teaching. At least this way both boys would be happy, more money would come in and we could have insurance of our own haha only kidding…Mommy will get the swing of it all before long. I know now that Jason is soothed by rubbing the top of his head full of hair in a circular motion, while Reece enjoys his forehead and cheeks to be tickled softly.
Its 9:45 now and over the night I had 3 pretty decent pumps so maybe my day is off to a better start. I had to call Dr. Rowe’s office this morning because my panties were drenches with leakage fluid from my incision. They asked that I stop by this afternoon around 1 for Dr. Rowe to check for infection…not what I need right now, but hopefully it’s just leaking and nothing more. I can’t wait to see my baby boys. Its hard being away from them at times knowing they are an hour ½ away. When I get there today they should be dressed in their little precious onsies that have their names embroidered on the top with a little blue knitted hats and boots given to us from the hospital. Now that they are a little more cord free they can wear clothes and hopefully in todays orders they will be co-sleeping in the same crib. I can’t wait for the time when Ryan and I can take a picture with all four of us together. A lot of progress has been made and while I might seem like I am loosing my mind I am honestly both the happiest and the most stressed I have ever been in my entire life and I say that with a s mile on my face. It’s all a part of this so called life and while there will always be hard twists and turns in the road but one must remember all the good and all that God has done to make things better and not let oneself get lost in their journey. Hope you all have a wonderful day …I am off to shower and then to make another day of it at the hospital. This evening Ryan will join me and my Aunt Laurie and Uncle Dion are coming to see the baby boys around 5. At this point we are still keeping it at just family in the NICU as the nurses have suggested and only immediate family doing any holding to limit germ exposure. Hopefully once the boys are home and settled in their environment for a little longer they can meet even more of the wonderful people who have been praying and thinking of them daily. The prayers mean everything and God has been so good to us all. I’ll add pictures tonight or tomorrow morning.
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